just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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