I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
