Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Let's paint friendship bongs
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
