Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
