Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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