omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
