I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
