i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
