I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
