I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
