so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
