I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Randomize
