I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
