it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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