He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
