Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
