There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
