Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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