her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
