I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
