Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
