Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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