My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
