i just wanna soil my oats bro
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
