I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Quick, to the slutcave!
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Randomize
