My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
