You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
