I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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