still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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