I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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