is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I am naked and annoyed.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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