Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
