i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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