I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize