google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
