Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
This is the high leading the old right now
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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