Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
