Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
