High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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