Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
