I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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