So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
