i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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