I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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