All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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