We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
