Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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