I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
