if i died would you start the facebook group?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
