Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
