I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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