she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Your penis caused this!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
