Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
