I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
