I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize