yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
