You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
