mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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