when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
