I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
