This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
