i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
