An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
