is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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