conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize