when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
