To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
