Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
