I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
