I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
