I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
