she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
